I belong, as a contributing member, to a talented group of writers who are responsible for A Muse Bouche Review, a literary newsletter. It gives me a chance to write something new each month around a given theme, which I’m enjoying. The theme for November, 2024 is Insult and my contribution this month is a short story titled Ashes In My Mouth. Here’s how it starts:

______________________________________________________________________________

Christ on a pogo stick, this year’s Hot Issue cover story, the biggest, baddest insult comic since fucking Rickles, and Rolling Stone sends you to interview me? What are you, twelve? Did you unhitch from your mama’s tit and climb on your tricycle to come down here?

Okay, okay, relax, I’m just yanking your dick. We can do this, but on my terms, which means you let me tell my story my way, and keep your pie hole shut.

The first thing everyone wants to know is, why become an insult comic? I could have done observational comedy—yawn—or rapid-fire jokes, or prop comedy—Jesus, poke me in the eye with a stick, better yet poke Carrot Top in the eye with a stick—or just about anything else. Insult comedy is a dead end, right? My villa in Positano begs to differ, believe me when I tell you that people love to be shit on, but that’s not really why I do it. 

Here’s the reason I’m an insult comic—it tastes good.

Before you ask—pie hole shut, remember?—I’m not being figurative. I’m not a figurative kinda guy, if I say asshole, I mean your little brown pucker. I was being literal. Insults taste good.

Let me start way back at the beginning. Most kids’ first words are mama, or dada, or love you, or some combination, right? Mine was ugly. Partly because my sister, three years older than me and a spiteful, jealous bitch, some things never change, whispered in my ear that I was ugly every chance she got. But that’s not the main reason. The thing is, the word ugly tasted so good my little ass swooned every time I said it. 

______________________________________________________________________________

To read the entire story, and all the other pieces from this talented crew, check out the November A Muse Bouche Review, available here:

https://mailchi.mp/b419fb36e68d/a-muse-bouche-review-plots-parties-18089308?e=46f6fd2a9e